Self-Representation (The Last Resort)

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

These days, many people who hire family law attorneys pay very close attention to detail, study the law themselves, and read every document their lawyers put together.  In this way, they're able to communicate more effectively with their lawyers.  Sometimes, to lower their legal fees, they'll even do some of the work for their lawyers.

My guess is that very few people sit back, become complacent, and let their lawyers make all the decisions.

Either way, self-represented litigants don't have a choice; we must pay very close attention to every detail.

Again, I cannot give you legal advice.  I'm merely sharing what I've learned.  And one thing I've learned is that the Family Division staff members at the courthouse are very informative.  They can't offer legal advice, but they can tell you where to go, what to do, and which documents you'll need to file. However, I had to be bold enough to ask questions and, at times, pester them for the answers because they're very busy.

Click here for direct links to Family Division Offices at each county courthouse in New Jersey.

Another thing I've learned is that many of the legal forms and instructions are available online to print or use as examples.  Some of the people who work in the Family Division might not know that these forms are available online to be printed and used.  I was told to come to the courthouse for almost everything.  In my opinion, visiting the Family Division at the courthouse is the best idea, but knowing where to find the documents online is important, too.

The problem is that all of the instructions and legal forms aren't contained on one website.  Instead, to find information, I had to search various websites and travel back and forth to the courthouse.  So, the purpose of this blog is to put most of the information into one convenient spot.

Feel free to use this blog as your starting point so that you'll have an idea of what you might be required to do.  But, remember, the divorce procedure you'll have to follow might differ from the one I'm following.  So, before you file any papers, check with an attorney or contact the Family Division at the courthouse where your spouse filed for divorce.

Also, please note that my experience is based on a divorce filed for irreconcilable differences.  Other reasons for divorce might require you to follow a slightly different process.  Furthermore, if domestic violence is involved in any way, Legal Services of New Jersey strongly recommends that you hire a lawyer.

Below is the step-by-step process that I've had to take and what I've learned so far (your experience might differ).  I've been learning the divorce procedure as I go along, and I've made a few mistakes.  My case is further along than the steps below suggest, but I'm working on each post carefully before I make any information available to you:

New Jersey Divorce Process

Click on each link for more information:


Step #1 - Plaintiff Files Complaint for Divorce

Step #2 - Defendant Files Answer & Counterclaim

Parents' Education Program



More steps to follow...

The following posts are under construction.  Check back again soon.


Family Case Information Statement

Notice of Motion for Pendente Lite Relief

Cross Motion / CIS

Objection to Cross Motion

Pendente Lite Relief Hearing

Case Management Conference

Interrogatories

 

Keep checking for updates.

Free Consultations, Workshops, and Seminars

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

Option #4 - Free Consultations, Workshops, and Seminars



Free Consultations

Many attorneys offer free initial consultations which allow you to meet once with them to discuss your case.  The meeting might be very brief, but it's a great way to get answers to some of your legal questions.  Also, you can talk with the lawyer about his or her fees for "unbundled" services, such as ghostwriting or consulting.  The free initial consultations enable you to shop around for the attorney who is right for you.

Then again, you don't necessarily have to go looking for a lawyer.  Some lawyers are busy looking for you by offering free workshops and seminars at different venues.  In this way, they reach more people, and you can learn more about divorce in New Jersey by asking questions.  They also may give you written information on New Jersey divorce law, and you can ask them what kind of services they offer.

To find an event near you, do an internet search on divorce seminars or workshops in your area.  Remember, you might need to register in advance.  

The New Jersey State Bar Foundation keeps a list of events held at the New Jersey Law Center in New Brunswick.  As of the date of this post, however, I don't see any divorce workshops listed there, but maybe one will be added later.  

Free Seminars at Courthouses

In an effort to keep the court system running as smoothly as possible, some courthouses periodically offer divorce seminars to the public.  These events are intended to help familiarize you with divorce procedures.  To find out whether a seminar is offered at the courthouse where your divorce was filed, you might want to check with the Family Division office there.  Also check the New Jersey Judiciary - Court Seminars and Public Events webpage.

Free Programs for Displaced Homemakers

Women in particular sometimes leave the workforce for a long period of time in order to become full-time "homemakers."  Just as people who lose their jobs are considered "displaced workers," these women become known as "displaced homemakers" in the event of a divorce.  So, there are programs throughout New Jersey that offer these women free advice on issues such as divorce law, real estate sales, employment, and child custody.

For information about a Displaced Homemaker Program near you, see the Displaced Homemakers Network of New Jersey website for a list of centers.  I've been told that the programs are open to both women and men.

Where I live in southern New Jersey, Gloucester County College (now known as Rowan College at Gloucester County) offers free divorce workshops for women through its People in Transition program.  For example, in Laws of Separation and Divorce, attorneys from the American Bar Association explain alimony, child custody, equitable distribution, and other issues.  In Financial Aspects of Divorce, a financial adviser gives advice on money matters; and in Navigating Child Support, someone explains the child support process, your rights, and what to expect in court.  Those are only a few of the many free workshops offered through RCGC.  I've attended multiple workshops, and they've been very informative. 

If you go to the RCGC program, be sure to register in advance on the website.  Please note that most of the workshops are free, whereas a few others require a small fee.  For more information, check the description for each event.  Also, be aware that not all of the events are held on the RCGC campus.




Help for Men

There are many organizations and group meetups (too many to list here) that cater specifically to men who are divorcing.  A quick search online using the words help for men divorce nj returns a ton of resources.  Some of the groups might involve a fee.  If you also search for men's divorce seminar nj, you'll find some free programs for men conducted by attorneys.

However, if you're looking for free programs similar to those for the "displaced homemakers" (women) in your county, most of the county programs for men tend to cater to fathers specifically.  For example, the Father's Care Network in Atlantic County focuses on helping men in their relationships with their children.  I'm not familiar with these programs, but checking into them might be worth your time.





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Consultants and Ghostwriters

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

Option #3 - Consultants and Ghostwriters

 

Some people pay lawyers to be their ghostwriters, also known as ghosts or ghost attorneys.  One litigant explained to me that he pays an attorney to write the legal documents for him, but the attorney's name does not appear on his documents at all.  The litigant files the documents on his own at the courthouse and represents himself in court pro se.

Although I personally have no experience with this option, it sounds like a smart move.  The litigant's expenses are lower, but a lawyer is helping him.

There are websites that offer ghostwriting services, but your best bet may be to find a trustworthy lawyer who will work with you in person.

Be aware, however, that the court may want to know whether a lawyer has prepared your documents for you.  In 2007, a U.S. District Court in New Jersey barred an "undisclosed" (ghost) lawyer from advising a pro se litigant in a civil case on retirement benefits.  Apparently, that case became the talk of legal blogs across the country, as lawyers debated whether ghostwriting is ethical.

Thanks to an ever-growing number of pro se litigants, these days many lawyers offer other "unbundled" services like ghostwriting.  For example, another option might be to compose your own legal documents and ask a lawyer to be your consultant.  The lawyer might charge you an hourly fee for the legal advice, but maybe you won't have to pay a retainer fee.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you understand up front what the attorney is willing to do for you and how much he or she will charge you for the service.

To search for a lawyer, you could start by checking with the New Jersey State Bar Association.   They have a lawyer referral service as well as a military legal assistance program.  

Another way to search for a lawyer is through the American Bar Association.   Depending on your circumstances, you might even qualify for free legal help through the ABA.  For the record, I've never met anyone who qualified for pro bono legal representation, but maybe you'll be the lucky one.

To find more information about a lawyer, you also could use the New Jersey State Judiciary's "NJ Attorney Index."  




Option #4 - Free Consultations, Workshops, and Seminars >>>

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Legal Services of New Jersey

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

 

Option #2 - Legal Services of New Jersey

Legal Services of New Jersey offers free legal advice to low-income residents of New Jersey.  You must contact LSNJ directly to find out if you qualify for help.  Call the LSNJ Statewide Hotline or try one of the regional offices.  Another option is to apply online at LSNJLAW Hotline Web Intake, if you're willing to wait two business days for someone to contact you.

The first time I called LSNJ, I waited longer than an hour on hold.  Then a woman asked me a series of questions.  I have never collected any form of government assistance in my entire life, but she determined that I was economically disadvantaged and, therefore, eligible to speak with an attorney.  She asked for my telephone number and arranged for one to call me at an appointed time.

I created a list of questions in advance about my case.  The lawyer called me, as scheduled, and answered those questions.  Although we spoke only once, she was very helpful.

However, LSNJ attorneys are limited in their assistance to you.  First, they will not speak with you unless you qualify as a low-income New Jerseyan.  Secondly, even if they can give you free legal advice, they might not be able to represent you.  That's what one LSNJ lawyer told me.  I e-mailed LSNJ to request further clarification on this policy, but I did not receive a reply.  So, check with LSNJ directly to ask whether an attorney can represent you pro bono (free-of-charge).  Just be aware that, even with LSNJ's help, you still may end up as a pro se litigant representing yourself. 

Fortunately, LSNJ publishes a handy book for everyone to use:  Divorce in New Jersey: A Self-Help Guide.  This book offers instructions as well as prewritten legal forms for you to use in filing for divorce.  You can purchase it through LSNJ, or you might qualify for a free copy.  You also might find a copy at your local public library.  I used an older edition of the book available to the public at the courthouse, where many people photocopy LSNJ's legal forms to use in their cases.

There is a free web version of the book on the LSNJ website; it includes the instructions for filing a divorce, but not the prewritten legal forms.  There also is a free PDF version online, but it doesn't contain the legal forms, either.  The instructions alone are very helpful, but if you want the legal forms, you have to either buy or borrow the book.

The LSNJ guide itself is somewhat limited, too.  It contains instructions on filing for divorce based on separation, irreconcilable differences, desertion, or extreme cruelty.  It does not provide information on divorces based on other grounds, such as adultery.  

(As you might already know, many people opt for no-fault divorce even when there is fault involved.  You could do the same if you prefer to keep private matters private.)

Notice I wrote that LSNJ's Self-Help Guide contains information on filing for divorce.  That is, the book is intended for plaintiffs; most (though not all) of the legal forms in the book are written for a plaintiff.  Nevertheless, defendants are using the forms, too.  Many are photocopying LSNJ's legal forms, crossing out the word Plaintiff, writing in Defendant, and making other changes by hand.  I used the most important LSNJ legal forms as samples only.  I made photocopies but used them only as guides for composing my own statements at home.

Still, this means that LSNJ's assistance is limited in yet another way:  Its attorneys help only plaintiffs (the people who file for divorce), not defendants.  After my first call to LSNJ, my spouse filed for divorce.  When I called LSNJ a second time, they refused to speak with me.  Once the other party files for divorce, the woman told me, the case is considered active, and LSNJ cannot become involved.  If, however, I were the one who filed for divorce, she said, the attorneys would have continued to give me legal advice.

So, it seems the best idea is to be the plaintiff.

The staff at the courthouse often recommends LSNJ to me, and they're always surprised to hear that I was refused help because I'm a defendant.  Therefore, either this policy is not well-known, or someone at LSNJ misinformed me.  Please contact LSNJ to check for yourself.

Anyway, because of LSNJ's policy, I decided to create this blog.  I am not a lawyer, but at least I can share my personal experiences here as a defendant in the hope that other defendants may find the information helpful.

Luckily, other sources, such as the New Jersey State Judiciary, also provide legal instructions and sample court-ordered forms.  I will link you to some of those sources as I share my own personal experience with the step-by-step process as a defendant in a New Jersey divorce case.


Option #3 - Consultants and Ghostwriters >>>

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Mediation

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

Option #1 - Mediation

Even a couple who agrees on everything needs a lawyer.  After all, you will need someone who knows the law to put together your divorce agreement.  To save money, such couples might sit down with a mediator who can help them reach a compromise.

Divorce mediation has become a popular option.  Many mediators are family law attorneys, and mediation is far less expensive than a knock-down, drag-out court fight.  If you and your spouse can work together amicably, you could even put together a preliminary agreement yourselves and then bring it to your first mediation meeting.  In this way, you could lower the number of hours spent with the mediator and, thus, lower your cost even further.

Spouses are expected to split mediation fees 50/50.  If you have no money, your spouse might be willing to pay all mediation fees, but first you might want to ask yourself this question:  If your spouse is covering the whole cost, can the mediator remain purely objective?  Or will the mediator naturally have a bias in favor of the person paying the bill?  As an attorney once told me, no matter how objective a mediator might come across, he or she cannot create an agreement for both parties without some bias coming into play.

Even in mediation, you still may need to hire a lawyer to protect your own interests for two reasons:  (1) After the mediator helps the two of you finalize a resolution, formally known as a Memorandum of Understanding, you will be expected to have your own attorney review it to make sure the agreement is right for you.  (2) In every divorce case, one party must be the plaintiff and the other the defendant.  (You and your spouse will have to decide who will be which one.)  So, you still might want your own lawyer to appear in court on your behalf.

Before you try mediation, here is another important fact to know:  If you do not hire your own attorneys, the mediator cannot represent and file divorce papers for both of you in court.  He or she can represent only one of you.  This means that one party will have to sign off to allow the mediator to represent the other party.  (I was not aware of this little-known fact when my spouse and I first started mediation.)  Be careful!  According to Legal Services of New Jersey, "an attorney who is acting as a mediator or arbitrator should never represent either of you in a divorce action and should not help you file for divorce" (Divorce in New Jersey: A Self-Help Guide, page 3).

Nevertheless, the general consensus is that mediation might be the best option for couples who are divorcing on friendly terms.  Many couples today use mediation successfully.  Just be sure to learn more about it before you decide to take this route.


Go to Option #2 - Legal Services of New Jersey >>>


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Pro Se Defendant

DISCLAIMER  The comments on this blog are the opinions of the blogger based on personal experience as a defendant in a divorce case.  Please note that the information here does not constitute legal advice.  I am not a lawyer.  It is strongly recommended that you hire a family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, to represent you and to help guide you through the complicated process of divorce.

As the old proverb says, any man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client. These wise words ring in my head every day as I struggle to handle a mountain of paperwork and try to understand the law.  You see, I am a pro se litigant in a divorce case.

Pro Se (pronounced pro-say) is a Latin term meaning for self, and there are two main types of litigant - the plaintiff and the defendant.  If you file for divorce, you are the plaintiff.  If your spouse files for divorce, you are the defendant.  A plaintiff who self-represents is known as a pro se plaintiff, whereas a defendant is a pro se defendant.

This blogger is a pro se defendant, and I strongly recommend that you hire a lawyer to defend you.  A family law attorney, licensed to practice in your state, knows the law and can represent you more effectively than you can represent yourself. 

If, however, for some reason, you find yourself unable to hire a lawyer, please know that you are not alone.  The unfortunate reality is that an increasing number of us are finding ourselves in the same position. 

In my own search for help, I found some great resources for plaintiffs, but not so many for defendants.  So, I created this blog to fill that void with whatever I learn about the divorce procedures for a defendant.  Whether you are a defendant or a plaintiff and have legal representation or not, I hope the information here will help you in some way.

First, before you decide to go it alone, there are other options you might want to explore.  Before I ended up as a pro se litigant, I searched for help here in New Jersey.  I attended a workshop, met with an attorney for a free consultation, went through the process of mediation, and checked into free legal assistance.  Later I found out about another option known as ghostwriting.  The links below will take you to blog posts on what I learned:

Option #1 - Mediation

Option #2 - Legal Services of New Jersey

Option #3 - Consultants and Ghostwriters

Option #4 - Free Consultations, Workshops, and Seminars



Chances are, you're already familiar with the four ideas listed above.  If you're not, I strongly encourage you to look into them.  In the meantime, you're welcome to follow along as I proceed with the absolute last resort, which is self-representation.  I am not qualified to offer legal advice to you, but I can tell you about my own experience at each step along the way:


Self-Representation (The Last Resort)


There are many ways to find information on this blog:

• Use the sidebar to find blog posts.
• Use the navigation bar along the top to find special pages.
• Use the labels at the bottom to find posts with that information.
• And, finally, each blog post will help to guide you along.

Good luck with your case!